


All is fair in food and war

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, seafood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27176282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: No idea where this is coming from, but I was laughing a lot while writing it ^^
Relationships: Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama
Comments: 31
Kudos: 85





	All is fair in food and war

**Author's Note:**

> No idea where this is coming from, but I was laughing a lot while writing it ^^

It was the last time he was giving Izuna any modicum of power, Madara thought with fear seizing his heart.

To think that he had finally managed to bully his clan to finally accept a tentative ceasefire and peace talks with the Senju, and Hashirama had done the same on his side. To think that they had managed to beat into their Elders's heads that peace was necessary and would benefit their two clans (even if Madara suspected the old coots only accepted because they had enough to listen to Hashirama cry and Madara scream). To think that they had almost managed to finalize a peace treaty.

And all of that would go to waste because Izuna was a spiteful little fucker who was trying to create an incident.

It was supposed to be the last meeting before signing the peace treaty. Most of them had happened in neutral territory (Madara should really send a fruit basket to Shikako Nara), but the last one had happened in the Senju compound and it had been decided that this one would happen in the Uchiha compound. Which meant that the Senju brothers would eat here. Madara (why was he such a trusting fool when it came to his little brother ? Why ?) had accepted to let Izuna handle the preparations for the meal, happy that his baby brother finally ot himself involved in the peace process.

Thinking about it, he should rather have broken his own leg the moment he had said yes.

Because Izuna had gone and found the most disgusting food ever. Seafood. It was everywhere on the table. Oysters (Madara gagged just looking at them), crabs, fish eggs and so on. Madara had no idea how Izuna had procured so much seafood when they were so far from the sea (if he hadn't been so angry and stressed, he would admit that he was impressed). Izuna had his innocent face, like he didn't understood where the problem was, but Madara was onto him. He knew his little shit of a brother was trying to offense the Senju so they would act rashly and give the Uchiha a reason not to make peace.

Madara was going to throw him in the koi pond, he promised himself.

He tried to think of an excuse, anything to salvage the treaty, and then, he saw the Senju brothers's faces, mouths agape and eyes wide, and thought that peace was indeed fucked and everything was going to catch on fire in the next seconds.

At least that was what he thought until Tobirama Senju all but elbowed his brother in the face and jumped on the oysters basket to appropriate it for himself.

Madara's (and Izuna's) eyes bulged out of their sockets under the shock. Hashirama, whose nose was bloody, started wailing and tried to take an oyster but Tobirama honest to gods hissed in his face. Madara was mindblown.

"But Tobiiiii !!!" Hashirama cried, suspending himself to his brother's sleeve like a particularly ridiculous limpet.

"Back off Anija ! You had some two months ago when you went to Uzushio, and you didn't even bring some back for me !"

"I told you I was sorry !!!"

"I don't care ! They're mine now, deal with it !"

And without further ado, under the Uchiha's stunned stare, Tobirama opened an oyster and swallowed it in one go. The moan he let out was positively sexual and Madara thought he saw Izuna blush and squirm suspiciously on his seat.

By the end of the meal, where Tobirama had gobbled down the entirety of the oysters basket and produced more and more erotic noises each time, and Hashirama had tried to negotiate with his brother to have at least an oyster in exchange for other seafood (to no avail), Madara's pants were feeling quite tight and Izuna was unable to look at his rival in the eye.

The good news were that the peace treaty was signed by the end of the meal.

Maybe Madara wasn't gonna throw Izuna in the koi pond, finally.


End file.
